If I perish, I perish.
In honor of Friday the 13th, and in memorial of the Kights of Templar, I’m starting a Substack. Thank you for reading!
I got my first tattoo in February 2015, on my 36th birthday.
It was a simple and plain tattoo with the words: “If I perish, I perish.”
I’ve always had a bit of a Joan of Arc running through my veins, so I’d considered getting this tattoo for years. But in February of 2015, when I learned how 21 of my Christian brothers were executed, I felt compelled to tattoo these words on my body. It was an irresistible urge - one that would only be satisfied via tattoo declaration to the world. ISIS executed my brothers by beheading, accusing them of being “people of the cross” and refusing to renounce their Christian faith.
“If I perish, I perish.”
This powerful expression was spoken by Queen Esther of Persia to her Uncle Mordecai. She knew the risks were significant - approaching the king without being summoned was forbidden and could likely lead to execution. Despite the possibility of death, Esther committed to intercede for her people, the Jews, as they faced imminent destruction.
“Bulletins were sent out by couriers to all the king’s provinces with orders to massacre, kill, and eliminate all the Jews—youngsters and old men, women and babies—on a single day, the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, the month Adar, and to plunder their goods. Copies of the bulletin were to be posted in each province, publicly available to all peoples, to get them ready for that day.” Esther 3:13-14
What compelled Esther to approach the king, even though it could lead to her death?
The answer lies in Mordecai’s words to her after he revealed the devastating plan for the Jew’s destruction. He said:
“Don’t think that just because you live in the king’s house you’re the one Jew who will get out of this alive. If you persist in staying silent at a time like this, help and deliverance will arrive for the Jews from someplace else; but you and your family will be wiped out. Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for just such a time as this.” Esther 4:12-14
“If you persist in staying silent at a time like this….”
A few weeks ago I watched “Wicked” at the theater with my family. Everyone enjoyed it and the story sparked some great discussion. (Warning: spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it yet!) Someone mentioned how they were disappointed in Elphaba because she didn’t stay in Oz to confront the Wizard and Madam Morrible. Their frustration came from the fact that Elphaba chose to run away (well, she flew away, but that’s not the point) rather than stay and continue to fight for the underdog. (See what I did there?)
I responded by explaining that when powerful and influential people spread self-serving narratives, usually false ones, others tend to believe thier stories for an assortment of reasons.
Here’s a few I can think of:
fear and emotional manipulation
admiration toward the manipulative person
tribal loyalty - unwavering allegiance, even when contrary to best interests
repetition that leads to brainwashing
confirmation bias - the tendency to assimilate new information in a way that confirms preexisting beliefs
social pressures to conform led from fear of rejection or being outcast
group think - avoiding critical analysis or differing opinions to “keep the peace”
cognitive dissonance- understanding injustice requires evaluation of our own complicity
Even after explaining a variety of phenomenon that tend to keep people from standing firm against powerful and manipulative individuals, he still just couldn’t comprehend or understand why Elphaba didn’t at least “try.”
(P.S. - in those moments neither of us knew what happens after intermission/part II, but I know now!)
Ironically, this is the same family member who, earlier this year during a conversation about the role of Nazi Germans in the Holocaust, admitted that he could have been manipulated as easily as the Nazis. I won’t deny I was a bit stunned and upset by hearing his admission, although I was impressed by his transparency and self-awareness. Anyway, I’m pretty sure his point was: we don’t know what we’ll actually do until we get there.
Everyone knows how teenagers know everything—at least more than their 45-year-old mothers. Even so, his earlier speech was convincing, so I had to “try,” right? I attempted to convey that while it’s true we don’t know what we’ll do until we get there, if we resolve now, in advance, to do the things God requires of us: act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly, we can change the trajectory from “not knowing,” to facing challenges with preparation and integrity. We can make up our mind now, before the polarizing trials confront us, so we’re less susceptible to manipulation because we pre-determined what we will or will not do.
“If I perish, I perish.”
Since the election, I’ve spent time reflecting and reading about historical situations where religion was misused to control and subjugate individuals or people groups.
Here’s a few examples:
Jesus' crucifixion - religious leaders accused Jesus of blasphemy, nonconformity and being a heretic.
The Crusades - series of religious wars aimed at reclaiming the Holy Land from Muslim control that led to significant violence and oppression of Muslims and Jews.
The execution of the Knights of Templar, whom this Substack is in remembrance.
The Spanish Inquisition - sought to maintain Catholic practice in Spain by using torture and execution to enforce religious conformity that targeted Jews, Muslims, and later - Protestants.
The Church of England: the driving force of U.S. forefathers in escaping religious persecution to seek religious liberty without interference from the government.
The German Christians church involvement in Nazi Germany and the Holocaust.
U.S. justification of African slavery.
The Salem witch trials.
These are just a few. There are more.
My son’s acknowledgement about the Holocaust and how he could have been on the wrong side of history hasn’t just stuck with me - it’s kept me awake many nights. They say hindsight is 20/20, but when the future is looking back at us, I don’t to be on the wrong side of history - the side that abuses holy texts and religion to oppress and subjugate vulnerable people. So I made a decision. I made my resolve now, in advance, to do the things God requires of me: act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. I will change the trajectory from “not knowing,” to facing challenges with preparation and integrity. I’ve made up my mind now, before the polarizing trials confront me, so I’m less susceptible to manipulation because I’ve pre-determined what I will or will not do.
@healwithrachel wrote: “Elphaba is for the girls who refuse to witness injustice in the name of being liked.”
I say Elphaba is for anyone who refuses to stay silent and stand idly by in the face of injustice, even if it means risking our lives.
If you know me, you know my affinity for pithy sayings and quotes. They might be pithy, but they stand the test of time for good reason. Here’s a few that I use to preach to myself. Maybe they will inspire you too.
“There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.”
— Elie Wiesel
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”
— Desmond Tutu
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
— Edmund Burke
“If you don’t name what’s happening, everyone can keep pretending it’s not happening.”
— Unknown
scream
so that one day a hundred years from now another sister will not have to dry her tears wondering where in history she lost her voice.
— jasmin kaur
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
— Jesus Christ of Nazareth
“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides.”
— Elie Wiesel
“First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.”
— Martin Niemöller
"It is a sin when someone knows the right thing to do and doesn't do it."
— James 4:17